Hmmm.. suddenly feel like writing another poem and posting it somewhere else. Well… overall, today is a great day. I reallie like drawing. DrawingEssential is so my subject. Beside that, there’s also Ideation 1 which some of my friends took. When they explain how the module is like. I can’t wait for it to start. : )) One of my friend posted her assignment on Ideation 1 and the quality of the work is so good that I can’t wait to attend it and if possible produce an even better one : )
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Well… 1st lesson, the lecturer show us a video by a National Geograhic photograher. I was so happy that i seem to have all the ability discuss in the video like passion, ability to turn problem into opportunity, etc. All except one. Which is to have technique. Even when I put myself in the place of most potential and in that moment that i need to showcase my talent, I can’t, since i do nt have the proper technique and is nt ready. Like what he say. Having vision and passion without technique is blind. I totally agree with that. Hehe…
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After 3, I can’t go back home since i have taekwondo at 6:30 : ( So i decided to continue with my 100 line words assignment in business canteen. On my way, I saw her. Smile, say hi and went past her. Damn those images flashing thru my mind. Suddenly, the hallway seem so long n my feet feel so heavy as more emotions “surge” into me. Maybe, that would be known as flashback.
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Be4 eating at Business Park. N i took my taekwondo belt to wash and to dry it. It was damn sick. This mornin, i open my cardboard and found my white belt literally turn into green belt. It is due to the fact tt i immediately put it back in with e shirt after washing it. I never dry it and so, the belt turn super mouldy. can u imagine? The sight is enough for u to puke. Then I wash it for like about half an hr… at least better. That is y my dad fetch me to school. I will be late if i went there myself. Ate a plate of chicken chop and started working on my line words…
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Even though today trainin is norm. Dunnoe was it emotional factor or that i just feeling nt well, i find it super tiring and dun feel so good. In training, i always do my best and push myself to e limit(so intrustor, dun push me further le, i am rewallie trying my best). In a the middle of a few set. I almost faint. My head became so heavy and I blank out for 1.5 s liddat. Then wake up again. Do e kipup to get my feet again. However, the feeling of fainting is so cool. I aleasy wanted to faint bt everytime almost hmm… when will i reallie faint? \/= ^__^)/
Mail this post These few days is reallie free time for me. No assignment, no presentation to prepare. On top of that, i just bought 2 hamsters n i was having a lotta fun playing with them.
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I name e 2 hamsters Mana and Hammie. They are still quite frighten of the new surrounding and i tried to tame them by making them used to my pressence. They do bite at first, it’s their natural instinct to attack intruder. I have to train them to get use to intrusion and that they(mainly my hand) mean no harm. So i have bear the pain of them biting my hand. Some part of my finger bleed but i know it’s worth it. They are able to climb on my hand without any fear and i believe it is juz a matter of time when i fully gain their trust.
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well… bye for now, write tmr since there’s no school on monday.
Mail this post ComDI is finally over. The worst module for a design student(izzit that bad? Beside, i had onli attended 2 module.) 3D ArFun which stand for 3D Art Fundamental is Really FuN. I can’t figure out where the guys don’t like it and thinks that it is not fun. Anyway… this few days I was reallie reallie reAlLie tired… i will just post some of the photo I’ve taken of my art works.
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Okiee… i will just briefly explain them. The first one is made of plaster and it is a dinosaur, so i call it the plaster-saur. Second pic is of my sis wearing a mask. When ppl asked me hw do i made tt mask i did for the final project. I replied to them that tis is hw. I gt my sis to lie down n i cover paper monche on her n wait for it to dry. I was surprised some even fell for it. Lol. Third is my final project. It will be exhibit on the design space tmr. So if u r reading tis blog on 25/05/2005. You can come down to Temasek Design School’s Design Space to take a look at my master piece. The last pic… well… i can’t leave u without another of my zi lian foto…. so here is it. Me wearing a tie, preparing to leave in my church service. (Btw… i took tis foto in e toliet. Lol)
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Mail this post If you look beyond my scars
Far, far away
You might just see the happy boy
That’s starting to fade away
If you look back to the past
And notice who I was
You’ll notice now that who I am
Isn’t really me
If you look beyond my smile
Beyond my fading face
If you look beyond the pain
You might just feel the same
If you look past my tears
And past the fallen blood
If you pass all of that
Then you will have fallen
If you fall where I have fell
Then you might notice to
This life I live is nothing
But a show that I put on for you
If you look past my fake smile
Past my fake outside
Then you will see what is wrong
Deep, deep inside
If you go down deep enough
You might get to my heart
If you see the crack in it
You’ll know what fell apart
If you travel though my blood
And look up at my skin
You might just see the scares
That show up deep within
If you look beyond the scars
Beyond my fading arm
Maybe then and only then
Will u understand me.
Mail this post I do not know how to start this blog. Whether I should talk about things 2 days ago, or yesterday or just today. You see… only 3 days and I have spent $250++. This is so unlike me. Even if it’s a 2 dollar item, I also ponder for very long before buying them, sometime even put it back, thinking it is not worth it. Take for example a book I bought on saturday from the graphic book store. I went in, look around, pick a book, and hand it over at the counter. I did that in a record time of under 1 min~! And that book cost 30 over dollar~! Usually, even if i saw something I really like, I will walk around the store with the thing in my hand, thinking should i buy it for like 30 min be4 i decided to pay up at the counter.
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I was fooled. The feeling of nothingness is just temporary. At least it is not as bad as I think. I can still cope with it and there is no more headache.
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I was all alone the whole time. No friends, no family support(since i told them nth at all). I was crying and rotting on the inside. Just hoping someone would lend a hand. I have no friends I can find when I’m in need. Nobody is to be blame, I’m just not a good friend myself.
Mail this post At night I sit alone and watch the shadows dance around.
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I hold my breath and listen yet silence is the only sound.
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I reach for some comfort yet feel no embrace.
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I am tired of the emptiness and loneliness of this place.
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I can feel no more hurt because I have learned to live with my pain.
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I often wonder how I survived and continue to stay sane.
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I have hurt so deeply and cried too many tears.
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I have been empty and broken for so many years.
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I am tired of pretending that I am fine and all is okay.
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I am tired of hiding behind this mask I wear every day.
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I have drifted so far and can no longer be saved.
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These feelings hold me captive and to them I am enslaved.
Mail this post When I need to escape the world
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I turn to solitude for help
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For he and I, we talk for hours
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Of love, life and loneliness
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Some may say I’m crazy
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But solitude doesn’t judge
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Instead he will sit and listen
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To all my thoughts and dreams
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Though solitude can only stay a while
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I make the best of our time
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When solitude does leave me
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Then it is time to meet reality
Mail this post This felt so strange. Now that I’ve told her. It’s neither a yes nor a no. I thought i will just cry over it and try to get it over but i don’t. I don’t understand. In fact I felt nothing. Even things i once held truly is also gone. I just had no feeling for my passion, my dreams. Friends, family? No, absoutely nothing. It has being a while since I wore this sociable mask and had so much of fun. It has being removed? I dunnoe.
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No one is to be blame here, except me. I take fully responsible, but I just figure out what went wrong. Now what? I dun even know what to react. I don’t feel like contacting my friends for a chat, take my daughters for movie. I just don’t care(well… it’s nt coz i’m angry with my life but rather, I have no more feeling for all this). I used to want to hang out with my friends, enjoy drawing, do lots of things but now all my motivation is gone. Why do I have to do this anyway? Why? Someone, pls answer me…
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Well… I don’t need to keep my 2nd blog a secret anymore. You can find it in the link of my friends under $0.35(that’s me) Ta ta… friends… if I do have any \/= ^__^)/
Mail this post Bad english has to stop. From now on, I will try to write my blog in proper english. Hopefully, that will help me to improve my english. I’ve found that many of the module in Interactive Media Design course requires a strong command in english to do well. No doubt my english in these blogs is still not up to standard. I will work hard. Pls tag to show your support.
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My life is still in a mess. Unable to cope with the emotional torture, I’ve decided to tell her. No matter in what circumstances. Most propably I will tell her in msn. Rejection is most probably the case, but I’ve nothing to lose now. Due to this case, I’ve lost almost everything. My friends, my passion, my life. Everything is not going to revert back unless I just tell her, cope with whatever the result might be, and pick up from where I’ve stop.
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It has only being a week, but it seem forever. I’ve being through this. I knew exactly what it felt like and what it feel like after confessing.
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Anyway, I wll not go in details here. Bye for now. I will just continue to “hu si ruan xiang”. And friends, don’t worry, I won’t die(yet).
Mail this post Everything iz comming apart. My health, my passion, my goals, my ambition, my life. I seriously knew wat’s goin on. N i dun noe when it will be o’er. I’m too tired t make things happen. I wait for things to happen. But nuthin happen. I was trapped.
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I’m toking lesser to frens nw. I’m losing my motivation n strength. i juz want to say…
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My head hurts, my mind ache. Surge of uncomfortable feeling o’erwhelmed me. Sometime, i was asking whether i need to see a doctor? But i dun. I noe tt it’s juz one act away to being cure. There might be post-effect. I dun care. I juz wan to speak my mind out.
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Keeping things to yrself iz reallie nt good for health. seriously… so for ppl reading tis blog. U ‘ve heard me, if u have prob, juz tell someone. Dun keep to yrself. For my case, i can’t. Beside i have no one to tell… : (
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