5amuel personal blog archive

Just watch chronicles of narnia with my sis. Quite kool… and the storyline quite resemble the sacrifice of christ for our sin. However ending was quite predictable. Always the same, no twist, sad. Good guys win and return to where they came from.
-
Me is so excited bout goin back to skool. Haha. New environment, new friends. New resolution. Me will stop being so Anti. Since no one noe me in this area… i will start over. Socialise and stuff. Becomming mr. popular. Have lots of connections. No one will notice i am anti-social. At least i will not feel bored. Keeping “low-profile” is sooo gonna stop…
-
And thank you lord for lettin me into a jc durin the first 3 mth. (or else @ home very sianz 1)
-
Now my feelin for every1 is very neutral. So strange… its like i’m finally back to square 1. No special feeling for anyone. But quite strange. I do not lose all my friends like be4. Maybe… finally, i experienced friendship…?

Today damn suan! Han zhong, Lin han, Wei li, Caleb, Chiwei, Zhao pei and me went to Pulau Ubin to cycle. We went to rent the bicycle at $3 per day. The jungle trail is damn nice lor. Never got to cycle in this kinda rough terrain be4, last time at most around east coast park…
The upslope is so damn tiring… A few of us can’t “tar han” and had to push the bicycle till got downslope. This trip is all bout endurance.
However it is still fun lor. We also went to chek jawa and entered it. Be4, when our school organise they say only can go when got guided tour, now we just went around. Luckily no one caught us. HAha.
Also after the that wei li and hanzhong is damn tired alr lor, so return first, while the rest of us went to arcade for pool. But so sianz lor… cos i dun noe how to play then watch them onli lor…

Friends… What the He*k is that. To mi… i never felt friendship. I only know they care for me but i can’t feel the same towards them… I felt so sorry for all the friends that cared for me. To me, friends is to enertain myself. Me me me, so self-centred man! But I can’t help it.

If only my friends know what make me feel “good”. To me… a true friend is very simple. Just hearin mi out. Just bear with me when i vent my anger… my sorrow… my happiness! Just that simple. Maybe, coz… I’m more of a emotional type. And since lesser ppl are like mi, I nvr found one that truly understand me.

Me need to slp early le… coz tomorrow got go Pulau Ubin. Need rest. Bye every1.

Waiting for my download to complete… so just hang around for a while. Today’s really a normal day. Nothing much happen. Stuck at home with my sis. She won’t even let me use the com, jus kept playin, playin and playin with her… really sianz man!

Didn’t really tok to my parent bout the current situation. Me really need lots of freedom… haiz… regret being so good boy for so long. NOw just wanna hang out with friends also they mus “guan”. Aniwae… nowaday quite lazy alr lar. Blog getting shorter and shorter. But at least others dun blog this often(almost everydae).

HA! And even though tis blog at first is delicated to her, now really helpless at wat is goin on. Is she gonna stay angry 4ever?… When will she forgive me…? Will time really heal the wound…? So helpless at this kinda situation. Maybe is it cos wat i say sound like a confession..? Pehape… that’s my closest guess. But “bu shi ba”, why get so pissed off…? It was like… we can’t even be friends… but watever it is… i respected her feelings… and guess maybe I should stay away for a while.

Thinking bout it… i really missed the time when, we could jus chat normally, play, laugh and joke(as if i got…) but now we are like total stranger… even worst than that. She would feel uneasy with my pressence and would avoid me…

So sorry. My friend… i promised i’ll nvr hurt u again…

~*~I had this ‘Friend’~*~
~*~I thought it will Last~*~
~*~Then I did something really dumb~*~
~*~That I wish I’d never done~*~
~*~She got REALLY mad~*~
~*~And of course I got so sad~*~
~*~For now until forever~*~
~*~Even though you hate me~*~
~*~I just want you to see~*~
~*~I AM VERY SORRY~*~
~*~I hope you can forgive me~*~

Haha! Luckily my sis wan me back… then can make card for them all… Surprised that they didn’t taunt the whole nitez. And haha! sleep at 4. Me make card stay till 5 man… so sorry my printer ink got a little nt nice, hope you all dun mind.

Haiz… still dun noe why she seem so angry at me. Maybe need some time. And hAhA! This the first time i felt the warmt of friendship. So slightly, but it is very significant to me. Thanks for being there, my friends.

Now… think i wanna spent mah christmas playin old com games, jus to pass the time. Or else very sianz… Still have to wait till 12(boxing dae) be4 i can open my presents.

The time now is about 10:30. Why am I still here writing this blog? Only 1hr 30min to Christmas… sianz… actually wanted to join Edmund they all and taunt(however it is spelled) the night but my sis lor… too stick to me alr. Can’t stay with them… my parents alr agreed to let me stay liao lor… Haiz… Today’s performance is really damn scary lor, though I do not show it on my face. I was like look as if I was quite pro that when I played the wrong note… the audience did not laugh due to my serious and professional look.(I think) Haha!

Chiwei actually gave me presents leh… so “pia say”, me never prepared for them. Lin Han a joker lor… he just “kope” some of the postcard yesterday, write some greetings and gave it to us… aniwae… it’s the thoughts that count rite? K. Thanks.

I think I gonna prepared them some presents too lor. Gonna hand-made them. Maybe write greeting cards?

Also, I’m really sorry, Pauline for whatever that made you so angry at me. I think you are still mad… I’m gonna let you shimmer down first. Aniwae, dun be affected… just continue to enjoy your celebration mood.

And lastly… MERRY CHRISTMAS to everyone… STAY happy always…

hAhA… tis is so gonna end… but watsoever, why is she still angry? Cos of this case, are we like, can’t even be friend… it so strange. K, I will always be there for her,,, be there for anyone that need help. I had experienced all kinda such thing, I will help those who is in need. But I’m jus afraid I will lose all my friends once again… even though I was like so anti… I hate the feeling of losing all my friends cause then, I will be ever so lonely again… chiwei, if you see this… please continue to keep in contact with me… you are the only person I shared all my feeling to… think u understand wat I meant and wat I’ll do.

Aniwae… haha… good nite… tomorrow will be a sooo.. pleasant day for me. haAHhaha…

Oh no! I think I have stepped onto the mine! In pain, please help!! She is now very angry… prob is, wat is it? I was like wat the he*l goin on! Our relation is like worse than that of a stranger. Tried to talk to her. She was like very “fan” and turned away when I was talking to her. What is she thinking… I needed answer. She was like that ever since the sentosa trip. Chiwei told me she dun usually talk to ppl one and only response when ppl talk to her. What can I do to patch out?

Me wanna die liao lar… and why do I feel so abnormal today. Chiwei told me jus think that I dun like her… now, it was like, I dun feel like socializing, dun feel the friends, are friends. Strange ah… it was like I’m back to my lonely self. The one that didn’t wanna socialize, the mr. anti-social.

So sad, yesterday I jus to tired to write any blog. Chat and told chiwei on how I felt. I never ever share with anyone how I felt. The “no love” thingie… I also dun wan to elaborate much. Those who wan to know and is truly my “friends”, please ask me. This is a strange feeling I had for years. Sad… now I know why I always skip the most important relation, friendship, be4 moving on into the bgr thingie. I was so afraid that I will just leave all my friends when I fall out of love. That’s wat I did when I truly 4get about my previous. I felt no love for parent, friendship, siblings, it was like… wat the he*l.

Ya! Yesterday, trip to sentosa is really very enjoyable. Started with a game of volleyball. I was like just getting the hang of volleyball, when weili missed the ball with her hand and uses his leg to kick it over and hit Pauline on her hand. Her thumb is like blue-black! What could I do!!?? I promised chiwei I would act as if she’s a normal friend. Feel so painful, not being there for her. Then we plae luge. Something like Go-kart. It was so darn fun lor. We buy tickets for 3 rides, $15 (one ride would cost $8). Woa! The last ride was so darn fun leh… we all would go down together. As if we were racing(although it wasn’t allowed). Then pei car went out of control and she was like can’t control it and swaying left and right finally crushing into one… and causing a major accident. Luckily I go by the side and avoiding it when most of them crushes onto each other.

After that, when we bout to leave sentosa, I finally had the chance to be with her, on the bus. I tried to talk to her, as a friend, didn’t noe whether is it cos she’s tired. But to me I felt she tried to shun away from me. Was it cos she was angry bout all the rumors, I was really sorrie… felt so bad…
On the train, I too had chance to be with her, but when I wanted to start out conversation with her… she was so engrossed in her call and all I did is, when I reached my stop, jus waved goodbye… hmm… couldn’t we even be friend… haiz…